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Irritated? Here is a quick fix.

Posted by on 12:18 pm in Accomplishment, Blame, Coaching, Freedom, Happiness, Light Hearted Lessons, Looking Inside, Mindset, Motivational, Responsibility, Self Confidence, Work Life Balance | 0 comments

Well here is the second post in our series of posts that help you to figure out where you are now and where you want to go next year so it can be the most productive year ever. Tay we are going to talk about getting out of the rut that has been created by your underlying limited belief that others or other things are to blame for the things you are unhappy with yourself or in your life. Think about this, have you ever been pissed off at the scorching heat or the 30 below winter when you know you live in that climate? Probably not, do you know why? its simply because you can´t change it but you can change how you deal with it and think about it. It’s you, your perception and your reactions that are the key here. If you have the heat or the cold you can move, or you can dress less, go for a swim, put on a parka, take up skating or stay indoors in a climate controlled environment. So why do we think differently about the things that happen in our lives? Why do we let things bother us and perhaps even feel helpless to change them? Well sometimes it is because we are afraid of change, sometimes it is because we think we don´t know what to do to change it and sometimes we just procrastinate the hell out of it. All these actions suck because they get you nowhere. What you really need to do is take a look at what is bothering you, take a real hard look and then do something about it. Sometimes that means taking some hard decisions but let me tell you it is worth it. You have only one life and you have two choices, to live your life like you are the boss or in a state of helplessness which is not good for anyone period. To figure out what you need to change look at what I call the red flags. Are you frustrated because your kids never clean their room? Stop being a jellyfish parent and set some ground rules and then follow through. Sick and tired of always being tired because you stay up too late? Go to bed earlier. Are you struggling with money? Get a new job, go back to school or ask for a raise. Do you feel like you are alone in your relationship? Get some counseling alone or with your spouse, or take a course with someone like Stacy Martino the Love and Passion Coach As you can see you can do something to change things. Unfortunately, these are things that we often just complain about to the people we trust in our lives but that is pretty useless because of, number one, they either can’t or won’t do anything about it, number two, it’s not a great idea to be complaining all the time. Who really wants to be around someone who is negative every time you see them. I guarantee you if you stop the blame game, start taking action about the things that are making you unhappy in your life and keep looking out for the red flags in your life and keep yourself in check, you will feel...

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Your First Step to an Awesome life

Posted by on 11:32 am in Uncategorized | 0 comments

I think I live a pretty good life. I am a life coach and success coach so I self-coach and review where I am regularly. I frequently make lists that are the changes that I want to institute in the near future, but once in a while I really get down to business and start to pick apart what needs to really change so that I can have the life I really want. One of the reasons I do this is because I begin to catch myself thinking why haven’t I achieved my goal or I thought I would be in a different place by now or arg, they left their plates on the kitchen counter, what the hell do they think I am their personal maid!!!! lol, This is typical of someone who has forgotten that everything we live, we create, and so now it is time to recreate the life we really want. This overhaul usually begins to happen about now, November. The reason for this is because it is also the time I begin to do the same with my clients. We tend to sit down at this time of year and really think about the past year. We look at how far we have gone and where we want to go in the future, but more importantly, we go over the core basic principals that are essential to an awesome life. So what am I talking about? Well, it is about the real you, deep down inside, your feelings, your beliefs, your actions, because essentially that is all that really matters in the end. Most of us know what we need to do or how we should react in order to get awesome results but for some reason, we don´t do it. Most likely it is because we simply forget or because we allow procrastination our arch nemesis to real its nasty head. Damn, I hate procrastination. So what then? Well, I will tell you what then. It’s time to look in the mirror and do some pretty critical thinking. You need to look really hard at who you really are in order to understand what you need to change. So ask yourself, what things are really bothering you right now? What do you feel should be happening in your life but isn’t? Why do I feel so stuck? Make a list of all the things that are driving you crazy right now and then step back and consider what you might be able to do to change them. In my next post I will go into further detail on what you need to do to deal with these frustrations, so stay tuned, subscribe to the RSS or bookmark this site on your favorites bar and I will talk to you...

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You are seconds from changing your life!

Posted by on 8:35 pm in Coaching, Goals | 0 comments

Have you ever been in bed and the alarm clock goes off and you think to yourself damn I was going to go to the gym but what does it hurt if I just snooze for 10 minutes? What about when you come home and know you need to put away the laundry or clean up the office but you watch an episode of Game of Thrones instead? What about when you need to check some emails or make appointments but you just don’t feel like it? Well, I am telling you right now, that kind of behavior will not change your life. What you need to realize is that you have all of 5 seconds to make a decision to just do it. If you procrastinate it will just go on your endless to-do list. Right. Not so fun is it? There are some solutions to this problem that can help you to stop procrastinating and start taking action. Number one Countdown Here is the thing if you are in bed for instance and you hear your alarm and think to yourself, OMG are you serious, its like 6 am I really going to get up to go to the gym or finish a project just count from 5 to one and then spring to action. Train your brain to understand the concept of the countdown. If you can do this your body will almost automatically start taking action. 25-minute rule Number two The five-minute rule I love this one! I use it all the time. When you see something that needs to be done but you think to yourself, man I don´t feel like this right now just tell yourself that you will give it 5 minutes. Here is the key. Be in the moment when you do it and before you know it you are not only consciously ready to do it but you will stop thinking about how much you don´t want to do it. My bet is that you will want to finish the task and will forget about everything else. Number three Take action right away Here is something I do. I HATE leaving things for later because if I do they just end up on my to-do list which can become overwhelming. If you do it the second it comes up it’s done and you can take a deep breath. It’s OVER: Number four Put it on your calendar How annoying is it to get a reminder on your calendar and pushing snooze endlessly. Try putting all your to does in a perpetual state or a recurring state and focus on using this as a driving force to using rule number three. Number five Sticky system If you like stickies this is for you. Put all your stickies of your to does in a very prominent place in your house where everyone can see them. You can only throw them out when you have completed them. Let me tell you, this is a great motivator especially when you have company coming. Number six Reward system Who doesn’t like a reward? If you make a rule that if you do something you really don´t want to do that you can then do what you really want to do and stick to it you will get more...

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How to go to University after 40

Posted by on 12:22 am in Uncategorized | 0 comments

OK so here it is. Here in Iceland it is very common to go to University as an adult. I am by far not in the older faction of students at school. I see many people older than me working there but´s off to make a better life or to follow their dreams. I love it. We the older people have a totally different experience than the younger generation. We demand respect and when we don´t get it we become insulted. I have experienced more in the last 5 months than in the last few years. I have become an advocate for respect at school. Here is my experience; So I show up totally unexperienced and have no idea of what to expect. I haven’t been in school for a long time) over 20 years). My first week was all about shell shock and dealing with the aftermath. The next week the anger set in. Where do I start? The teachers speak to everyone like children, “kids lets settle down” really? Why are you walking out I am not finished (answer my kid needs to be picked up from daycare) The questions on the tests are either, you looking for exact sentence quotes in a 1000 word book or questions that are misleading, double negatives or too hard to understand. (If I actually understood the question I would probably have a good chance of answering) Most of the teachers are very good but the culture of trying to screw you over is overwhelming. I would be a pretty good student if I only understood what they were asking and what the answers actually meant. Is that really OK? Do we want Universities to act this way? I spoke to the head of the business department and told him that I felt they were tripping children just learning to walk without a response. (We are the kids learning to walk they are tripping us) I seriously feel if you are teaching you should teach for success not failure. They have classes where teachers go through the examples but I and many others feel that all you do is copy off the board in a frenzy and really don´t learn much. They encourage discussion but don´t really like to have opinions that are not exactly what they expect. I have a lot of opinions and questions and so do many of the other mature students but we feel that they are unwelcomed. I would like to see a class for new students that show you the ropes, how to study and how to figure out what is important. By the way, announcing you have a high failure rate is NOT a good advertisement, especially when the school notices and decides your class is no longer composer because the failure rate is not helping the schools reputation. Don´t get me started. I have now figured out how to study ( 20%) and do not have a breakdown at each class. I know I do not need to attend every class and understand that classes are a guideline. I have grown up a lot (funny I am over 40) and have learned a lot that I have forgotten immediately. Funny story; I was interviewing an intern the other day that said that he...

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When Mental health Issues get in the way

Posted by on 10:39 pm in Uncategorized | 0 comments

I deceided to go to university last year, more as a thought than a deecision. I applied on a whim, paid to make sure I had some options and bought books to see what it was all about. I showed up that first day thinking that I would try it for one day which turned into a week then a semester. I had my breakdown, thought I would quit, a story for another time but persisted. I was having multiple panic attacks a day, understandibly it was a new experience and it infringed on my grownup relaxed lifestyle. It was horrible yet great at the same time. I have had many panic attacks in the past and know how to get through them. I realize that I wont die, I will get through it and after a little while ( sometmes a long time) I will be OK. Most people don´t understand but that is OK but sometimes I get frustrated because I have to work so much harder for the same results because I spend half my time trying to deal with my emotions while they are at keg parties. ( not interested in being there I would feel the need to pull the mom card). I have had to work in groups with people 20 years younger than me that have much  less responsibillity. That is an experience I will tell you about later, I have been called a kid many times a week and seen disrespect that has made me furious. I have realized I feel sorry for my kids in University for not getting the respect they deserve and learned a tonn which I have forgotten imediatly following exams. I reccomend it. If you are scared, don´t think you can do it but want to try then do. it is worth the experience. You may feel very low at first but it will get better.   I am proud that I have deceided to wait until after the semester to write to the textbook authors to let them know what I think about their run on sentances constant repeating and verbal diarhea. ( tell you about it another time.)...

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8 Reasons Why You Need To Man Up And Take Responsibility For Your Life

Posted by on 12:25 am in Accomplishment, Blame, Coaching, Goals, Responsibility | 0 comments

When we are little we are cute and innocent and our biggest goal is to learn through play, relationships and experiences. We are taught to listen to our parents, to be nice to our siblings, not to hit or pull hair. We are encouraged to be kind and to apologize when we do something wrong. We go to school where we are taught to follow the rules, not to tattle on anyone and to conform to the school policy and culture. We learn to look past things that bother us because to deal with them would cause conflict. We graduate to middle school and begin to compare ourselves to others, affecting our self esteem and causing us to learn the fine art of gossiping, blaming and denial. We see this big crowded world as an intimidating place where things happen to us, a place where we have no control, and we don´t. Kids usually are not taught to feel autonomous, to feel in control of their destiny and in charge of their actions and the consequences that follow. As teens we learn the almighty power of taking our freedom away. The grounding is painful especially when there is a party we want to go to but cant. The natural response for a teen is blame, the parents are being meen, their friends talked them into it, it was an accident, they didn’t mean to do it, they forgot. Rarely, if ever do teens say to themselves well I created this situation and now I am experiencing the consequences. I wonder what I could have done differently to get a different result and what I need to do in the future so that i don’t land in this position again. As adults we have gone through the formative years not really learning to succeed, to have a fulfilling life and how to get what we want. The result is divorce, depression, drinking to much, stress, anxiety, not reaching goals, not having goals, achieving less that your potential and much much more. You can fill in the blancs. So what can you do to fix this problem? You can begin to take responsibility for your life. You can stop the blame game because everything you experience you created by past action. You can start saying how you really feel, speaking up in meetings, having an opinion and learning to say no when you are overwhelmed. You can start looking at your life from a different angle. Take a moment to look back at your life so that you can discover how had you taken different actions, made different decisions, reacted in a different way how your life would be different. Hey we all make mistakes. What makes the difference is how we deal with them. So the next time your spouse has been getting on your nerves don’t tell a friend let your spouse know. If you are in a meeting and have to disagree with the decisions being made speak up. If you are overwhelmed speak to the person that can change the situation and learn to say no. You are the only one in responsible for your life so take charge and make it a good one.   drifa@balancedmompreneur.com Want to use this on your website or ezine? Great!...

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Get A Clue! 6 Reasons Your Life is a Mess!

Posted by on 6:24 pm in Coaching, Feeling Overwhelmed, Happiness, Motivational, Productivity, Relationships, Responsibility | 0 comments

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  Are you going through life clueless about what is going on around you and basically just stumbling along the path set out for you? Do you feel lost and off track? Does it seem like everything is against you? Do you find yourself complaining about others, work, your life or your relationships to people that can in no way do anything about it? Do you feel like you have tons of potential but that you don’t seem to be able to tap into it? Thats very common but not something you need to feel if you are ready to make a change. Life is a wonderful thing. It will leave you clues if you are doing the wrong thing and will reward you when you do the right thing. We have all had that feeling of elation when everything just seems to go right, you love your job, you have a great relationship, opportunities just seem to come to you. the opposite can happen to when things seem much more difficult. You may be stressed at work, unhappy at home, overly tired or irritable. These are all symptoms of the frustration that you feel because you don´t feel your life is going as it should. If you feel that way it means that you know there is something better out there for you and that you can obtain it, so my question to you is why don’t you?   You see the signs, but don´t recognize them as an opportunity for change and don’t act on them. In life we have opportunities to see what is not working in our lives because the universe tells us when something is not right. If you just look for clues you will find them. These clues come in the form of things that are not going the way you want them to go. They can be that your cat constantly pees in the flowerpot (what are you going to do about that), your kids room is always messy, you constantly lose your keys, your overwhelmed at work and have no energy for anything else, you are out of shape, overweight, stressed or in a bad relationship. These are all clues that your life is not going as it should. Solution – Stay present, notice what is going on around you and ask yourself why it is happening then brainstorm possible solutions that will work towards solving the problem.   You take the easy way out anytime you can. You avoid confrontation and try not to rock the boat. When you give an ultimatum you don’t stand behind it or back it up when the shit hits the fan. You make empty promises to placate others. You avoid seeing problems because then you don’t need to deal with them. Solution – Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you see a problem then take decisive action to deal with it. You don’t take responsibility for your life. Instead you blame others for your lousy life, your boss for demanding too much, your kids for not listening, the stock market for failing, your car dealer for selling you a lemon. When are you going to realize that you said yes to the extra work, you didn’t follow through on the...

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React and Fail or Respond and Conquer

Posted by on 8:29 pm in Uncategorized | 0 comments

In life we tend to follow past behaviors. We do what we have always done and we get the results we have always gotten. It sucks because we don´t get anywhere with this behavior. We can change it with a little modification called responding vs reacting. I was thinking today about the song Dear Liza. You must remember it from childhood. There is a hole in the bucket dear Lisa, Dear Lisa, there is a hole in the bucket, dear Liza a hole. Just fix it dear Liza, dear Liza, dear Liza, just fix it dear Liza, dear Liza fix it. We tend to forget that when we have a problem and we complain about it the only person able to fix it is us. We forget that we are the only ones responsible for our lives and the outcomes that come from it. We need to understand that we have control over what happens in the future by making choices that can positivly affect our lives. If we have a problem we need to either talk to the people that can fix it and ask for change or change our perception of the situation. Below are a few tips to get you started; Here is what we can do; Take responsibillity for our lives and admit that the problem is within our control to manage or deal with. ( dont get me wrong, some problems are not nessisaraly fixable but we can respond to them.) We can talk to the people that can actually influence the outcome and ask for a change. We can choose to respond to situations rather than respond to them and therefore be proctive in the way we thing and act. We can understand that life has a simple formula something happens which creates a thought which creates a feeling which invokes a response or a reaction. Now here is the thing. We can influence 2 things. We can influence our thoughts and whether we respond or react. We can do this by asking ourselves what is really happening here? Am I being reasonable? Will this matter in 5 years? Can I respond or think differently. We can also use the work by Katie Byron She says ask youself the following uestions; State your delema… Is it true? Are you absolutly sure that it is true? Can you turn it around ( see it from a different perspective? ( try three) How do you feel about that. Your feelings matter. they are exttremely important but you can choose them and your perspective. Decied whether you want to experience life from a perspective of love or fear. As always I am available for you. If you want clarification contact me for a free session. Your coach, Drifa Here is an example; You are a parent and your child misbehaves. Your parents comment— you can think that they are judging you or that they are helping you. How you preceive it will ultamatly determine whether you respond or react. Reaction; you get mad, you fight and everyone is tense Respond; you recognize they are trying to help, explore their opinion and everonne feels good They are bith possibilities and you may not consiously choose one unless you know what the ultamate goal is. You need to...

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From Mom to Mompreneur The 10 Essential Traits My Kids Taught Me about Running a Business

Posted by on 4:37 pm in Family, Feeling Overwhelmed, Goals, Happiness, Kids, Looking Inside, mompreneur, Motivational, Productivity, The at home Entrepreneur, Time Management, Uncategorized, Work Life Balance | 0 comments

Everything I know about being a Mompreneur I learned from raising my Kids As a business owner I am sure you have experienced times when you felt overwhelmed, flustered, frustrated, desperate, confused and out of your league. Some of you may have wanted to give up. You may have thought that you were in over your head. This was not the reason you got into business. You pictured freedom to choose how you spent your time, being your own boss and having time for yourself, but this is not the reality. I am going to show you that you can have all those things if you just look back at what you learned from being a parent. I have been thinking about how I learned to run a business, where I drew the wisdom from, what experiences helped me along the way and what drives me to continue even when things don´t seem to be working out. Every time I get the same answer; I learned it from being a mom. I brought up 4 children that were born within a 7 year span. During that time I learned how to negotiate, sell, market, manage my time and juggle multiple projects. My experience with my clients is that they feel that they don´t have the resources that they need to run a successful business but in this article I’m going to show you that you have all these skills inside you. You have the power to reach within you and find those resources so that you can feel more confident in your business, become a more powerful marketer, feel better about rejection and learn to push through the chaos of daily life and do what matters. While building your business you need to cultivate many skills. You need to be a one man show, marketer, sales associate, assistant, accountant, business manager and CEO. You have to be able to switch between roles quickly and efficiently. You need to manage your business while trying to ensure you still have work life balance. It’s tough, it is a thankless job and it is absolutely exhausting but it’s worth it. #1. Patience Running a household and meeting the needs of children is challenging and requires constant patience. This is not a quality many of us are born with. Most of society requires instant gratification these days. Learning to wait out the temper tantrums, setting up sleeping schedules and learning to be patient with them while trying to get them dressed and out the door taught me to appreciate the process, especially when it all worked out and I am sure it has don the same for you. #2. Consistency Without consistency when raising children you have chaos. Kids need a routine in order to feel safe and that means doing what you say you are going to do, every time. Discipline does not work without consistency and so it becomes ingrained in every parent that wants to have happy, well-adjusted and confident children. Market with the same consistency you showed your children and you will get the results you want in your business. #3. Budgeting Trying to run a household with 6 mouths to feed when you have little money to go around can be challenging. Sometimes you can only buy the necessities. You need...

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What others think of you is none of your business

Posted by on 7:14 pm in Uncategorized | 0 comments

I had someone say that to me as we were having a conversation. When it is said to you, the tendancy is to think WHAT??? but it is so true. If we are constantly thinking about what others think it will distract us from our primary goal. We need to stay focused on the ball. If you are doing what you love and what you know is your path then who really cares what the minority thinks. Stay out of other peoples business and stay in your own.   Have a great...

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