React and Fail or Respond and Conquer
In life we tend to follow past behaviors. We do what we have always done and we get the results we have always gotten. It sucks because we don´t get anywhere with this behavior. We can change it with a little modification called responding vs reacting.
I was thinking today about the song Dear Liza.
You must remember it from childhood.
There is a hole in the bucket dear Lisa, Dear Lisa, there is a hole in the bucket, dear Liza a hole.
Just fix it dear Liza, dear Liza, dear Liza, just fix it dear Liza, dear Liza fix it.
We tend to forget that when we have a problem and we complain about it the only person able to fix it is us.
We forget that we are the only ones responsible for our lives and the outcomes that come from it.
We need to understand that we have control over what happens in the future by making choices that can positivly affect our lives. If we have a problem we need to either talk to the people that can fix it and ask for change or change our perception of the situation.
Below are a few tips to get you started;
Here is what we can do;
Take responsibillity for our lives and admit that the problem is within our control to manage or deal with. ( dont get me wrong, some problems are not nessisaraly fixable but we can respond to them.)
We can talk to the people that can actually influence the outcome and ask for a change.
We can choose to respond to situations rather than respond to them and therefore be proctive in the way we thing and act.
We can understand that life has a simple formula
something happens which creates a thought which creates a feeling which invokes a response or a reaction. Now here is the thing. We can influence 2 things. We can influence our thoughts and whether we respond or react. We can do this by asking ourselves what is really happening here? Am I being reasonable? Will this matter in 5 years?
Can I respond or think differently.
We can also use the work by Katie Byron
She says ask youself the following uestions;
State your delema…
Is it true?
Are you absolutly sure that it is true?
Can you turn it around ( see it from a different perspective? ( try three)
How do you feel about that.
Your feelings matter. they are exttremely important but you can choose them and your perspective. Decied whether you want to experience life from a perspective of love or fear.
As always I am available for you. If you want clarification contact me for a free session.
Here is an example;
You are a parent and your child misbehaves. Your parents comment— you can think that they are judging you or that they are helping you. How you preceive it will ultamatly determine whether you respond or react.
Reaction; you get mad, you fight and everyone is tense
Respond; you recognize they are trying to help, explore their opinion and everonne feels good
They are bith possibilities and you may not consiously choose one unless you know what the ultamate goal is. You need to be present and understand that your perseption will determine the outcome.