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Posted by on Jun 28, 2012 in Coaching, Feeling Overwhelmed, Freedom, Goals, Happiness, Light Hearted Lessons, Mindset, Motivational, Productivity, Responsibility, Self Confidence, Uncategorized, Work Life Balance | 0 comments

The secrets to success


I have been reading Jack Canfields Success secrets, in fact while I sat in the sun in Spain last week I read the whole book. The secrets really resonated with me because I am a believer in having good habits that promote success and happiness in your life as well as striving to reduce stress and facilitate greater work life balance in your life. As mompreneurs and working mothers I am sure you will appreciate this, . Then today I was with my interns and was telling them about the book when they began to be really interested. Their faces lit up and they leaned forward to learn more about how they to could get a leg up on life. They are all really intelligent individuals that will go on to change the world with their wisdom and I look forward to following their journey through life. While I was talking to them they expressed a genuine interest in having me teach them one principle a day so that they could implement this wisdom to. I told them about the first secret and they became engaged in my talk.

The principle was so simple yet powerful. I made a promise to them that I would teach them what I have learned by talking to them each day and coaching them on the principles, but I also wanted to give them and you a chance to get a different perspective by writing down my thoughts and incites on the principles each day. What I write is by no means juctice to the wonderful writing of Jack Canfield rather my interpertation of his teachings. I hope that in the next two months you will find motivation, inspiration and wisdom in the words. I would like to encourage you all to buy the book and if you feel so empowerd to join Jack Canfields coaching program as I have so that you to can make a profound shift in your life as I honestly believe that through his teachings and through his program you will find new incite and balance in your life.


The first principle is based on taking 100% responsibility for your life. Most of you may think that you do that already but let me ask you have you ever complained about someone or something? Have you ever blamed a situation or circumstance for the results that you have experienced throughout your life? Do you ever think to yourself that  if only things would have been different you would have done more or better? Had the teacher in high school been better at explaining you would have had a better grade in his class? If only you didn’t have to drive to work in so much traffic you wouldn’t be late all the time? If only your kids cleaned up after themselves you wouldn’t have such a messy house or would not always have to spend so much time cleaning. If you only you had a better job then you could go on vacation more often? You may have blamed the teenage years and hormones for your teens behavior that is driving you crazy. Maybe you blame your husband for your failed marriage because he was never home or perhaps you blame  your friends for not calling more often. Their are hundreds of examples I can give and you will eventually find that you resonate with one or all of them and that is great. Why is it great? Because you have taken the first step by identifying that you do not take 100% responsibility for your life.

I challenge you to make a decision to change that today, not tomorrow but now. All the situations that you experience today are a culmination of the choices that you have made in the past good and bad. They all reflect the habits and decisions that you have chosen in your life.  I know that if I look back at my life in the past  that I created my life today. Each time I didn´t ask for what I wanted, looked past something that bothered me or made a choice,  I affected the life I am living today. Its also a matter of choosing how you feel, react and the habits you live each and every day.

I read a great book by Byron Katie years ago where she describes laying on the bathroom floor at a fat farm in pure and utter depression and desperation. She was unhappy, overweight and hopeless. She had given up. All of a sudden a bug crawled across the floor and up her leg which would have normally really frightened and bugged her. Instead she had an epiphany. Instead of thinking why is this bug crawling on me why doesnt it leave me alone this is discusting, get away from me she thought why not. It is what it is. Why not?

With that her perception changed and she had a totally different perception on life. After that she picked herself up and went on to create a system to help people deal with problems in their lives, to have a different view of their lifes and to make differnent choices by changing the way they thought about the situations in their lives. She wrote a book on parenting called Kids Are Worth It as well as created a system to deal with lifes situations and negitive feelings called The Work.

She is about taking 100% responsibility for your life. I didn´t know it at the time but I know it now. W Clement Stone, the author of The Success System That Never Fails and many other great books was a big believer of it to and that is where Jack Canfield learned about it. He went on to implement it in his life after learning this secret from him.

So what does this mean exactly?

It means no more complaining, no more blaming and no more self pity. It means reflecting on situations in your past and figuring out how a different reaction could have created a different result. You need to look at situations differently in the future and evaluate them before you act or react. It also means looking back and reflecting on your past so that you can learn from past mistakes and experiences. Even situations like severe illness can be viewed differently in hindsight. ( This is from experience) I was very ill many years ago and for many years I looked at that time in my life as something that happened to me and changed my and my families life in a negative way, but when I went to coaching school I learned that all situations have value. Often these experiences have profound life lessons or change who you are today. They matter and should shape your future.

Taking 100% responsibility for your life means that everthing you do matters. If you are overweight, unhappy, overwhelming or stressed it is up to you and you alone to decide to change your situation. Many of you will say yes but you don´t understand I have no power or I cant do anything about it or It is hopeless but I say that is an attitude. I heard or read somewhere about a man that was a POW  in the Viet Nam War for over 10 years in solitary confinement in the worst conditions imaginable. He had nothing to do all day but reflect on his life, every detail of it. He could have chosen to loose hope, to give up to stop existing but he didn´t. His attitude was I will do what I can. I cant control my environment but I can control my mind and that’s what he did. He used the situation to go inside and learn about who he was. Years later after he was freed he was asked about his experience and he said he would not trade it or take it back because it helped him to grow and evolve into the man he is today. How profound is that. He of course would never ever want to relive it but he sees it in a positive light. He inspired me with those words. He took 100% responsibility for his life. So if you are thinking about excersising because you are out of shape then stop reading this right now and jump rope, go for a run or give me twenty right now because you have the power to change your situation.

Listen you may think you cant change your situation but when the chips are down and your back is to the wall you do what you have to do to do what really matters to you. You might be late for work but you wouldn’t miss the birth of your child. You might listen to a friend for an hour complain and nag but if it was a boring radio show you would listen to something else. It is really up to you to make a positive change in your life. The only thing stopping you is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of how others view you, fear of the concequences. Often fear is much more intimidating and difficult to deal with than the situation itself. When you feel fear it is often ( not always because sometimes it is your intuition telling you to get out, or get away or saving you from harm) because you actually need to do it and it makes you uncomfortable. Life can be very uncomfortable sometimes and the stress and anxiety you feel is often a sign that you need to make a change. So is depression and fatigue. When we hesitate to make decisions that we know we need to make it is often because we lack the self confidence or fear it.

Don´t let fear or lack of confidence rob you from taking 100% responsibility for your life. Below are a few things you can do to help you to begin to take responsibility for your life and to start on your path to success.

If someone robs you of energy, or is an emotional vampire stop hanging around them

if your kids make a mess and it drives you crazy set rules and concequences and stick to them

if you dont like the way a situation is unfolding speak up and say your peace

if you are in an unhappy marriage get help, change how you behave and therefore change the reactions you experience or get out

if you want to get in shape then take the steps necessary to do that whether it is joining a gym and actually going, changing your diet or getting a health coach and committing to change

if you look back at your life with regret analyze why, find the learning experience or change the way you think about it

if you are banging your head against a wall wondering why, no matter how hard you try, nothing is working then step back and figure out what you can do differently

if you feel the need to complain then try instead to ask for what you need from someone that can change the situation

If you look at all the above situations you will see a pattern, then you will realize they all start with you, the way you think, the way you feel, the perception you have and the way you handle situations.

Look, there are two kinds of people in this world, those that life happens to and those that live their lives. Which one do you want to be?


Please feel free to comment and tell me about your situation because I would love to hear from you. Good or bad I welcome your opinion.

So that’s it for me I am signing off to take care of my dinner guests which have been here for about 15 minutes but the inspiration took me and I chose to hit the iron while it was hot. They will live but inspiration and ideas often disapear in a heartbeat.

I plan on taking 100 % responsibility for my life, I will work at it each day and forgive myself during those times that I falter so that I can reflect on them later and use those times as a source of wisdome and inspiration.


Life is about love and that meant to love yourself to.


Drifa Ulfarsdottir


Inspiring you with my creativity, incite and passion to live your life with joy, balance and integrety.


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