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Posted by on Dec 15, 2014 in Coaching, Feeling Overwhelmed, Looking Inside | 0 comments

When you lose hope know there is a new tomorrow

I just spoke to a good friend of mine that recently lost her husband. She has two children 4 and 6 and they are struggling just as she is with the loss of the love of their life.

Loss is a part of life but it never seems to be something we get use to or can fully accept. After a heart felt conversation with her it makes me reflect on life, love and how to go on. She had lived through a very difficult childhood, challenging adolescents and heartbreaking mental illness but has always been one of the strongest people I know.

She reminds me of the Gloria Gainer song I will survive because no matter what happens she seems to be able to bounce back. I admire her strength, tenacity and perseverance. She has broken the circle of dysfunction that she grew up with and is a fabulous mother and role model.  

In the past 3 years I have lost my grandfather, aunt, father in law and best friend.

Before that no one that I was close to had idea so I really had no compass for death or how to deal with the feelings that come along with it. I have learned that it is part of life, never welcome, always hard and sometimes lifechanging.

I may be floating through ideas here so forgive me but this is a thought process. Many years ago my friends daughter was palliative with cancer. She was very young, child and was in a lot of pain. Her mother who is an incredibly powerful writer wrote me an email that touched my heart. She asked that I pray for her daughter to die soon and quickly. The pain this small child was going through was unbearable and as all parents feel she wanted to stop the pain for her child letting go of her own need to keep her with her.

It was heartbreaking yet so incredibly loving that I have never forgotten that letter and I never will.

I was at a friends for coffee today and she was telling me about the loss of her father last year. Since then she has had a series of health problems that I think are related to the grieving process. That to is heartbreaking because we can love so much that we almost stop living just trying to get through today.

Death is a gateway, a passage and a process for those involved. It makes me think about something that I heard a while back. It was that the only people that are sad when someone dies are those that are left behind. OK that makes sense.

So what about those of us that grieve for those that have passed? Well if you think about it if we loved them that means that they loved us. They want the best for us and would be very sad to see us sad. I don’ t want to make them sad, I want them to feel at peace so that said maybe we should not rejoice in their going to a better place but honor them with love, memories and respect.

Maybe how we feel here, now, will affect them, so lets pick ourselves up and go on, for them, to honor them an the relationship we had for them. Create an emotional memorial for those we loved and lost.

 

Agree or not this has been what I was thinking. I miss my people but they lost their daughters, husbands, fathers and for them it was an even bigger loss. We are all one big family where we cannot forget to support each other just like we cannot not ask for help. It is in our nature to help others so if you are sad, devastated an feeling alone reach out because you are loved and we do care.

 

As always I am thankful that you are here.

Feel free to contact me if you are interested or need some help.

Drifa

 

 

 

 

 

 

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